


Cigarettes after murder

by waywardhalo



Category: Avengers
Genre: F/F, F/M, Reader is a mess sorry, lots of smoking, sex yay, this is my first story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2019-11-09 02:00:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 18,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17992706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardhalo/pseuds/waywardhalo
Summary: “What? Your daddy didn’t hit you hard enough with his belt?” Bucky mocked as he read my police file. More like files. By the time I was 15 the first one was barley holding together. I looked down, pretending to be embarrassed as the team waited for a response. My eyes grew cold as I looked up and responded with a laugh, “More like the crowbar.” Both Steve and Tony’s heads shot up and Buckys expression turned horrified. I laughed and blew a smoke ring at him.





	1. Chapter 1

I brushed my hair over my shoulder as I tried to calm down the butterflies in my stomach. It’s not like I didn’t like Tony...it was just complicated. Complicated meaning that I didn’t even know he was my father until I turned 17. I’m now 18 and spent the whole year in foreign boarding schools, never staying in one long because I had a habit of getting kicked out after the first few months.

My life was relatively normal until I turned 15. Maybe it was my parents divorce or my older sisters constant bitchy attitude towards me, but it all became to much and I took a dive into the deep end. Paintbrushes in my pocket became cigarettes and my dreams of art school didn’t seem important anymore.

The coffee my mom poured into my travel mug every morning had more whiskey in it than creamer. It wasn’t until my family died that I truly changed and started reaching for the harder stuff. Heroin was the devil, soothed my broken soul for a while but came with a nasty hold. I graduated early - at 16 - and was now freshly homeless after my last tie to my old life, my last family friend, kicked me off his couch and told me to get to work. Finding a job wasn’t hard with tits as big as mine so the first strip club I found hired me on spot. James - the owner - wasn’t a complete sleaze bag and let his girls bunk in the basement for real low and always made sure that the back rooms had enough 5 hours of energy and cliff bars to get us through the night.

I found comfort in strangers arms, they felt more familiar than the hugs I got when old friends found me on the street and slyly slipped five dollar bills into my worn leather jacket. Tony was the one who found me, not the other way around.

I suddenly had a career change and went from my hand around a pole to around a gun overnight. Being a hitman didn’t do shit to me, I was good at keeping my emotions on lockdown. Maybe it was because my father (not Tony) was an army man and my childhood was filled with yes sir and no sir and don’t you dare cry but it came in handy when dealing with all the shitty situations I keep getting in.

One night I was hired to murk a high up business man that worked for Ozcorp but apparently the gods had another plan. I didn’t really expect Ironman himself to show but hey this was New York nothing should surprise me. It all happened so quickly to the point were I honestly couldn’t tell how I managed to blow up a building before even shooting the guy but it managed to catch Starks attention.

Glass shattered around me and even though I was mostly covered and protected a piece managed to scratch my cheek and left my DNA at the crime scene. And Tony found it. To say he was surprised when Jarvis tested the sample and came back with the news that the run away assassin is related to him is an understatement. After 3 months hunting me down and many awkward conversations and get to know you brunches later, he took legal custody.

When I first graduated I had a friend wipe everything about me from every database, hoping that I could get a decent job without my lengthy police record coming to bite me in the ass. Because of this it took some time to form an actual identity again.

Tony kept me a secret from everyone except Pepper, Happy, and Rhodey. Not even Fury knew about me. After the whole civil war fiasco the avengers managed to patch things up and were pardoned. Tony handled most of the damage control and the once outlawed avengers were now living back in the tower.

I took a deep breath and blinked away the smoke from the cigarette loosely hanging from between my chapped lips. I walked through the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Damn the receptionist was hot. I walked past her towards the elevator. “Excuse me, miss!” She yelled at me. I sighed and walked back to the desk. “I’m here to see Tony Stark,” I said as I shamelessly looked down her deep v-neck blouse.

She raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow, “Do you have an appointment?” she questioned me like she was talking to a two year old. “Don’t need one doll,” I shrugged and walked back to the elevator. She yelled after me and I heard her call security. “I live here!” I called as the elevator door closed.

•••

Shit. My hands couldn’t stop shaking. Why was I nervous? I kill people for a living! I reached into my pocket and pulled out a little dime baggy. I put some coke on my pointer finger and brought it up to my nose, inhaling deeply. I rubbed my nose and blinked my eyes. I let out a shaky breath...just something to calm me down I muttered. Fuck. My hands didn’t stop shaking. I sighed as a lit another cigarette as the doors finally opened and I was on the main floor.

I was surprised to see Pepper waiting for me there smiling but I quickly masked my surprise and regained my mask of an arrogant little shit. “Pepper,” I nodded at her. “(Y/n)!” She called and hugged me. Tony didn’t tell her about me till she caught us in the lab the first time I came to the tower. Pepper loved me right away for some reason and didn’t try to change my bad behavior like Tony did. I think she knew that no matter what she said to me it wouldn’t really change what I do.

“Geez woman they should have you on the team,” I joked as she hugged me tightly, not seeing the barley masked pain on my face.

A few “friends” back at school dragged me to a bar before my flight and it didn’t take long for me to get into a fight. I came out with some pretty badly bruised ribs and a broken finger but you should see the other guy. She laughed and lead me to the kitchen. I entered my override code into the lock on the bar cabinets and got down a bottle of Jack Daniels. Europe is nice but they don’t have jack, it may not be high class but I grew up drinking the cheap shit. I heard a few people enter the room and I looked out the corner of my eye.

Steve, Bucky, Sam, Nat, Clint and Loki walked into the living room. Sam, Bucky and Steve sat down at the kitchen bar stools and shot confused looks to each other and Pepper, not knowing who I was or why I was in their kitchen. I ignored them and poured the whiskey into a tall glass.

“Whiskey for breakfast y/n? Really?” Pepper questioned with a sigh.

The men frowned, trying to recognize my name. I took a puff out of my cigarette and put it out against my hand. Steve frowned, not happy that a young strange girl he didn’t know was smoking and drinking.

“Would it make you feel better if I put fucking cereal in it?” I joked at Pepper.

I heard Clint snort from across the living room and Loki glanced up from his book for a moment, curious about this new strange girl.

Pepper let out a short laugh, “Your dad is in the lab. He’s missed you.”

I rolled my eyes and took a small sip of my drink. “Small” meaning half the glass.

“If Tony missed me he wouldn’t keep sending me away,” I said back to her.

Everyone in the room looked up at that. I guess Tony didn’t tell them about me. Typical.

“Maybe if you stopped getting into fights and drinking more than Tony and Rhodey combined he wouldn’t keep sending you to foreign reform schools?” Pepper suggested smugly.

I laughed at that. “Tony’s your dad?!” Steve and Clint both yelled as Loki and Bucky looked at me intensely.

“Sadly,” I responded at the same time Pepper said yes. I sighed and finished my drink. This is going to be interesting.


	3. Chapter 3

I didn’t bother going to the lab as I walked away from the stunned avengers. Tony was decent and all but I don’t think he actually gives a shit about my well being. If he did he would actually call me other than on my birthday.

 

I felt a presence behind me and gripped the knife in my jacket pocket. I turned around and was blessed by the hot face of Steve Rogers. Damn if I wasn’t Tony’s daughter I might’ve had a chance. He was taken aback by my sudden realization of his presence, usually going undetected by most.

 

I stared at him intensely, hoping that direct eye contact would make him uncomfortable and leave or somehow seduce him and have him take me right here right now against the wall. Either or would be great but as I stared into his cool blue eyes I started to lean more towards the second scenario.

 

“Hi, I’m Steve,” he introduced himself like I had no clue who he was.

“Y/n,” I responded as I ran my eyes down his body.

 

He cleared his throat and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck when I didn’t return his handshake.

 

“Sorry for everyone being so surprised back there. Tony never told us about you which is kind of surprising because the man likes to overshare his private life,” the blonde joked.

 

“Most people don’t know about me. I’m used to it. Who wants the world to know about their accidental love child that happens to be a screwup,” I chuckled.

 

Steve frowned at that and seemed to just finally take in my appearance. There was nothing wrong with ripped jeans these days - especially since I paired them with a Tron shirt and a leather jacket - but it could be the eyebrow and nose piercing that threw him off, or the black hair teased messier than Axl Roses in a Guns N Roses music video.

 

Steve blushed as I raised an eyebrow as he checked me out.

 

“Well it was nice to meet you Steve but I have to go tell Tony I’m here,” I told him as I turned around and started to walk away.

 

“Team breakfast is at 9!” Steve shouted after me. Team breakfast? That’s a fat no from me. I wasn’t looking forward to being questioned by multiple ex assassins and God’s. Do they even know what I’ve done? Who I’ve killed?

 

I had no actual intention of going to the lab and seeing Tony so I went to my room to change. My room was big like everyone else’s but lacked decoration and actual personality. I changed into a tighter black t shirt and a nicer leather jacket. I didn’t want the whole team staring at my tattoo sleeves just yet. I made my way down to the garage and found my Harley underneath a tarp, hidden behind all of Tony’s sport cars to avoid any questions. I started the engine and made my way into the city to find the closest bar. I should’ve know it wasn’t going to end well.

 

•••

 

After dinner the team liked to hang around the main living room for what Steve liked to call “team bonding” but it was more of a way to gossip about the latest missions or drama with the new shield recruits. Thor was in the middle of telling the story of how Loki and him managed to get captured by a bunch of mermaids when the elevator dinged, causing everyone to look up. They didn’t know who to expect but a bloody y/n Stark wasn’t it. The younger Stark had blood pouring down her face and was leaning against a taller man in a suit who held a support cane.

 

“Sorry to disturb you Miss Potts but I think miss Stark needed some assistance finding her way home,” the man explained to Pepper kindly.

 

“Y/n! What happened?!” Pepper shouted at me.

 

“I found a bar,” I replied, laughing as Matt tried to keep me up straight.

 

“And....?” Pepper responded, still confused how I got into trouble.

 

“I drank it....” I shouted loudly. Pepper sighed and uncle Rhodey was laughing. Matt’s lip curled up in amusement.

 

“Thanks Matty for brining me...*hiccup* home...*hiccup* but it’d all good, I feel amazing!!” I shouted at him as I leaned away from him and tried to walk to my room. I toppled onto the floor. She’s beauty, she’s grace...she’ll....what was I saying again?

 

Matt sighed and picked me up. Bucky and Clint snorted and I heard Steve mutter to Nat “Isn’t she underage?” Which Nat responded “Of course she is...but that’ll never stop a Stark.” Rude, but completely true.

 

“I’ll help her to her room,” Matt told Pepper. Pepper sighed and nodded, she was use to this behavior from me anyways. As Matt brought me back to my room I heard someone enter the living room and a chorus of people shouting “TONY WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER,” and another group shout “WHATS WRONG WITH HER?!” A lot of things. Just you wait.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up to a pounding headache. Like the “I just got hit by a motherfucking truck headache.” I groaned and rolled over, successfully falling off my bed (which I totally planned obviously).

 

“Care to explain why you’re hung over and didn’t tell me you were home?” I heard a familiar voice say from the doorway.

 

I groaned again and looked up from my spot on the floor. Tony stood there with his arms crossed and a brow raised.

 

“Um...no?” I replied. Tony sighed and rubbed his head.

 

“Look kid, I know I’m not the worlds greatest dad, heck I’m not even a decent dad, but I do want to know when you’re home and that you’re not so drunk off your ass that a man twice your age has to take you home.”

 

“Okay...are you feeling okay? Your expressing a lot of feelings and it’s kinda messing up my chakras,” I muttered sarcastically.

 

“I was trying to have a moment here!” Tony yelled. All of a sudden Steve entered my room and looked between Tony and I.

 

“Sorry...where you guys have a moment?” He asked apologetically.

 

“No,” we responded in sync. Steve raised a brow and looked unconvinced.

 

“What is it? Party in y/n’s room time?” I rolled my eyes at the both of them. “Or is it time for team breakfast?”

 

“Y/n...its 12 pm,” Tony sighed.

 

“...team lunch?” I asked Steve with a smirk.

 

•••

 

“I thought we were getting lunch?!” I snapped at Tony as he led me to the lab.

 

“Well after the team yelled at me after your arrival,” Tony glared at me, still mad about not telling him, “I had Friday locate you and imagine my surprise when she tells me you’re passed out drunk, an inch away from alcohol poisoning which I do NOT want to go through again with you. Fri reported multiple injury’s that the team didn’t even notice. Two broken ribs, a broken finger, severe bruising and lacerations across your back and chest, and a mild concussion! Jesus Christ y/n! Are you trying to get your self killed or back in a prison cell?!” Tony yelled exasperated.

 

“What can I say, my bunk mate made some pretty mean prison toilet punch,” I smiled fondly at him.

 

Tony chose to ignore that comment and lead me into the lab.

 

“Bruce!” Tony called to Dr Banner who was hunched over a microscope looking at god knows what.

 

“I don’t need a doctor! I’m fine! I hate doctors!” I yelled at Tony. “No offense Bruce,” I added sending the doctor an apologetic smile.

 

“It’s okay y/n, it’s nice to finally meet you. The team hasn’t stopped talking about you since you arrived. They each took turns interrogating me if I knew that you existed, which I didn’t by the way,” Bruce responded sheepishly.

 

“Brucie will take care of you, right honey?” Tony winked at his best friend. Bruce just rolled his eyes and got out his med kit.

 

“I promise I won’t hurt you y/n,” Bruce assured me. It’s not that I didn’t trust him, I just don’t like hospitals or anything medical related...not since I woke up in a hospital to the news that my family died, both parents and two sisters.

 

“Don’t worry, I trust that you have skilled fingers,” I winked at him. A light blush filled Banners cheeks but over 5 years of knowing Tony has gotten him use to an endless supply of innuendos.

 

Tony laughed and left the lab to find Pepper. “Well, come on then,” he motioned for me to follow him to the exam bed in the small medical lab in the back of the science lab. I guess you need a lab inside a lab when you work with someone as careless as Tony Stark.

 

“Should I undress?” I said as I pretended to unzip my pants.

 

“Just get on the bed y/n,” Bruce sighed, realizing that he now has to deal with not only Tony but me too.

 

“Oh my,” I said seductively. “Doctor I’m no prude, but if you’re going to take me, take me somewhere more private - like your office...desk,” I winked.

 

“Will you stop flirting with me, you’re seriously injured you know,” Bruce replied.

 

I pouted and stuck out my tongue. “You’re no fun.”

 

•••

 

After Bruce patched me up he ordered me to go straight to the kitchen and get some fuel in me.

 

I was peacefully making my way to the kitchen till a wall of muscle ran into me.

 

“You should watch where you’re going princess,” James Barnes growled at me.

 

“And you shouldn’t speak James, it lowers the IQ of the whole team,” I winked as I pushed past him. I heard a snicker from the living room and saw Loki trying to hide his smirk behind his book.

 

“Prince Loki,” I approached him and bowed, “it’s an honor.” Every other team member in the room stared in awe but no one matched the complete shock on the trickster gods face.

 

“Y/n!” Tony glared at me. “I don’t want you talking to reindeer games while you’re here. Did you not forget he tried to kill us all and take over New York?!”

 

I shrugged, “Well for one thing if I’m nice to him maybe he’ll be less likely to kill me the next time he’s feeling homicidal tendency’s and two...I’m pagan. Well Wiccan to be exact but I still celebrate the same sabbats and leave offerings to the gods.”

 

Bucky and Steve frowned, not knowing what Wiccan means and probably having no experience with actual pagans having grown up in the conservative 40s.

 

Loki and Thor seemed genuinely surprised and slightly honored. They both knew that there was still humans that worshipped them (though much smaller after some guy named Jesus showed up) but never experienced one in person.

 

“Well I’m very fortunate to have met someone as stunning and culturally superior than these mortals,” Loki smirked and kissed my hand. I smirked back at him, the both of us enjoying the confused and shocked faces of the avengers.

 

“And you as well, my king,” I bowed to Thor who was watching Loki and I’s exchange with amusement.

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Lady Stark,” Thor responded kindly.

 

Bucky glared as Thor kissed my hand as well. “I wouldn’t really call her a lady,” Bucky replied snarkly. 

 

“Bucky!” Steve yelled at his friend, appalled at his behavior.

 

“You got a problem with my daughter Barnes?” Tony rose from the coach.

 

“My problem is that we only have one room for an arrogant drama queen on this team,” Bucky shot back.

 

“Bucky it’s okay, I won’t take your spot away from you,” I winked. Clint and Loki snorted and Nat and Tony let out a laugh. Bucky just glared and walked away followed by an extremely embarrassed Steve and an apologetic Sam.

 

“Well he’s certainly a joy to be around,” I laughed.


	5. Chapter 5

God this sucked. You suck, this place sucks, everything SUCKS. Withdrawals were a bitch and Tony had me on fucking lockdown. Bruce discreetly drug tested me, that sneaky bastard. I guess it’s revenge for all the one sided flirting.

 

Heroin. God I want heroin. I felt eyes on me. Shit did I say that out loud?

 

“Yes, you did,” I heard a female voice say from the living room. I lifted my head from the cool kitchen counters to see Nat walking towards me.

 

“Heroin, huh? That’s not a good habit to get into,” Nat lectured me.

 

“A few years to late buddy,” I snorted. The rest of the team made their way into the living room for lunch.

 

“So tell us about yourself,” Steve began to say. “We don’t know much about you - other than Tony’s your father and you go to school in Europe.” I felt everyone’s eyes on me.

 

“I’m a Capricorn, I enjoy long walks on the beach and frisky women,” I told him as I searched the fridge for food.

 

Clint and Sam genuinely laughed and I heard Bucky let out a snort. Steve just sighed and tried again. “You know we genuinely want to get to know you. We are both sharing the same roof,” Steve said with an eyebrow raised.

 

“Ummmm, Tony didn’t know about me until a year or two ago after I left my DNA at a crime scene after I unsuccessfully murdered the target I was hired to kill,” I said with no emotion.

 

“WAIT hired to KILL someone?” Sam asked. I rolled my eyes, “Did I stutter?”

 

“Fury called for a meeting,” Tony signed out as he walked into the kitchen.

 

“It’s about me isn’t it?” I asked. Tony just nodded.

 

•••

 

The first thing Fury did when the team and I were settled into the table was slide my police files towards me. I just glanced up from the cigarette I was smoking and smiled.

 

“Fury, I love it when you intimidate me with my past crimes, it makes me feel all tingly inside.”

 

“How about you tell me Miss Stark why I should let a criminal with a past as bad as yours live in this tower?” Fury growled.

 

“Maybe because you don’t own the building so it’s not up to you?” I laughed.

 

“You sure have a mouth on you doll,” Bucky taunted.

 

“Aww Bucky you like my mouth?”

 

“Did your parents not discipline you as a child? Is that why you’re like this?” He smirked. The rest of the team watched, waiting for how this was about to go down. Even Fury looked interested.

 

“What?” I asked softly but with a tone that radiated don’t fuck with me.

 

“Your daddy didn’t hit you hard enough with his belt?” Bucky mocked as he read his copy of my police file. I looked down, pretending to be embarrassed as the team waited for my response. My eyes grew cold as I looked up and responded with a laugh, “More like the crowbar.” Steve and Tony’s heads shot up and Buckys expression turned horrified. I laughed and blew a smoke ring at him.

 

“You want to know my first foster fathers favorite game?” I flicked the end of my cigarette. “Every night he’d lay a belt and a carrot on the table and tell me to choose. After I told his other daughter to hide I’d chose the belt. But the game got boring to him so he replaced the carrot with a crowbar. I chose the crowbar. If I chose the belt my foster sister would get the other one, it was an easy choice,” I said looking down at the ashes I flicked onto the table.

 

“Y/n...why didn’t you tell me?” Tony asked me softly. Uncle Rhodey and Nat were holding back tears and the rest of the team looked mellow.

 

I scoffed, “Why should I? It’s in the past now. I’m not interested in sharing past traumas and pity.”

 

“Pity? Y/n you were abused!” Tony yelled. His words only upset me further.

 

“He wasn’t the first and he most definitely wont be the last! Life is hard and I learned from an early age to suck it up,” I snarled back at him. Everyone was quite.

 

“So is there an actual purpose to this meeting Director? Or did we just come to talk about my past traumas?” I asked Fury sarcastically.

 

“Y/n...I want you to join the Avengers.”

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

All eyes were on me. “No,” I told Fury. “I have better things to do than join your band of merry men, okay?”

 

“You don’t have a choice, y/n,” Tony said softly. “What do you mean I don’t have a choice?” I spit out.

 

“It’s either this or rotting in a jail cell Miss Stark. Your father may have hid your crimes but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re dangerous, you were an assassin and for all we know you still are,” Fury explained.

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

 

•••

 

If I just don’t show up to anything they can’t do anything, right? I thought.

 

Damn the team sure knew how to destroy cars. I was down in the garage working on all the broken shit. They’re all knocked up pretty bad but it provided me a distraction. I grew up in Chicago and my first job was a mechanic. I was blasting music when I heard a few people enter the room. I was under one of the cars jamming away trying to ignore whoever intruded.

 

“Where’s Mr Stark?” I heard a voice say. I rolled out from under the car and wiped some grease off my cheek. I was in a black tank top and some baggy jeans, my tattoo sleeves all exposed.

 

“Which one?” I asked the teen. It was probably Parker, Tony told me about him. He liked to go on and on about how amazing he is.

 

“Who are you?” Peter asked accusingly with a hint of fear in his voice.

 

“I’m the mechanic,” I said to him.

 

“Is that suppose to be some sort of code name?” Peter asked me confused. I was about to make a sarcastic retort but Thor entered the room.

 

“Lady Stark! Your father has requested your presence in his lab,” Thor boomed.

“The boy of spiders!” Thor laughed and hugged Peter, squeezing the shit out of him. Peter was blushing profusely.

 

•••

 

“So you’re telling me you have a daughter? Peter asked Tony excited.

 

“You know my personal life is supposed to stay PERSONAL,” Tony rolled his eyes.

 

“Your personal life no longer became personal once you said I am Ironman,” Clint stated.

 

“Hi! Y/n, right here! I exist surprise!” I waved at them.

 

“Oh god there’s two of them,” both Steve and Nat groaned. Before anyone could agree Bucky entered the room.

 

“YOU!” He pointed at me.

 

“Me?” I asked and looked around at the rest of the team.

 

“Yes YOU doll, I’m putting you on a fucking sleep schedule if you like it or not. I can’t take this anymore, your insomnia is worse than mine! Even super soldiers need sleep. But I can’t sleep when YOU’RE cleaning the kitchen on our floor in the ams!” Bucky lectured me with wild hand gestures. The rest of the team watched with wide eyes and a few tried to hide their laughs.

 

“We’re training together every night! I’ll tire you out one way or another,” Bucky yelled and he picked me up and swung me over his shoulder.

 

“As much as I love being manhandled by you James this is a violation of my basic human rights! Put me down you BULLY!” I yelled as I hit his back.

 

“You violated my rights when you kept me from sleeping 3 nights in a row.”

 

I have to train with BUCKY of all people? This is going to end very badly.

 

“Ummm not thanks Buck,” I said, trying to get out of this situation.

 

“Maybe it’s not that bad of an idea,” Tony suggested.

 

“You’re suppose to be on my side!” I yelled at him as he laughed.

 

“He’s right about your insomnia, it’s not healthy, especially at your age.”

 

“I don’t think beating the shit out of me with his metal arm is going to fix it,” I responded.

 

“Just have Nat sneak attack and sedate me if I’m up to late, anything is better then this,” I groaned.

 

“No, I’m going to thoroughly enjoy this doll,” Bucky smirked.

 

“No flirting you two!” Tony yelled after us, Bucky still holding me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

 

•••

 

“When’d you learn how to fight?” Bucky asked me, the both of us sweating after sparing and running a few miles.

 

I sighed. “I took karate and kickboxing when I was a kid. When my family died I needed money, I couldn’t access it till I was 18 and my parents left me in a lot of debt. I had friends on the rougher side of Chicago, you needed to know how to fight if you didn’t want to get mugged. I started fighting in illegal fight rings, preferably cage fighting. I was good and it got me money,” I explained while lifting a weight.

 

“I’m sorry, doll. It must’ve been hard,” Bucky said softly.

 

“Don’t be. I liked it. Maybe it was my inner psychopath but I like fighting. I like punching and I liked being punched. Why do you think I come home bloody and bruised every night after going to a bar? Pain demands to be felt, and I have a hard time feeling normal emotions so the pain keeps me in check.”

 

“I know what you mean. After Hydra...it took me a while to feel again. I was so use to feeling nothing and suddenly feeling again was hard.”

 

“I guess we weren’t cut out to be assassins,” I joked. Bucky cracked a small smile.

 

“I guess not,” he said softly, helping me with the weight.

 

“Are we done comparing life story’s now?” I asked, my defenses back up after sharing my past.

 

“God I forgot what a jackass you can be. You think after having a moment like that you wouldn’t go back to being a dick!” Bucky growled, leaning over me.

 

I looked up from the weight bench I was laying on. “We we’re having a moment? I didn’t notice.”

 

Bucky grabbed the back of my neck and brought my face close to his.

 

“Look I get it. You’re defensive and you think hiding behind humor and flirting will prevent you from getting hurt again. I’m not going to pretend to know everything you’ve been through but I can tell from the way you act that it was some nasty shit.”

 

I just started at him as his grip on me tightened.

 

“Are you done?” I asked him, my face expressionless.

 

“Yea. Yea, we’re done,” Bucky said as he let go of me and walked away.


	7. Chapter 7

I stayed for 3 more hours after Bucky left the gym. I was pounding away at a punching bag, to caught up in my head to wrap my hands.

 

I don’t really think about the people I’ve killed. Their faces don’t come back to haunt me in my dreams like the rest of the team. I only killed people that deserved it. I may have been an assassin but I was only hired to kill shady business men. On my own free time I patrolled the streets in the rougher parts of Chicago. Usually stopping muggers and rapists, leaving them for the police or killing them myself.

 

What I think about as I punch the bag is waking up in the hospital after the accident. I was the only one who survived. I’m not sure whats worse - the accident or the fact that I dreamt about it every night, months before it happened. I don’t have a family. I don’t have friends, well at least in New York I don’t. I think about the first time I did heroin and how I never mourned my family. I didn’t cry when they died, I was just hollow. I think about the hospitals I was in after the accident because I kept hurting myself and wouldn’t eat. I think about my roommate who became my girlfriend - we were happy for a while - who hung herself in our closet. I think about her lifeless body just hanging there, and how I sank to my knees, horrified. I think about a lot of things I shouldn’t and a lot of things the team doesn’t know, the things they left out of my police reports.

 

I stopped punching, gasping for air. Blood was running down my hands and pooling on the floor.

 

“You look rough kid,” Tony commented from behind me. I had my head pressed against the bag, my body shaking, fighting for air.

 

“Why don’t you try to get some sleep?” He suggested softly. He noticed my hands and winced at the blood and cracked skin.

 

“Let’s get you patched up honey,” he whispered as I leaned on to his shoulder.

 

•••

 

Bruce didn’t question me as he wrapped my hands. I sat on top of the counter, Bruce wrapping the bandage skillfully around my hands.

 

“I do heroin,” I said out of no where. Bruce eyes turned big and stopped his wrapping.

 

“I don’t know why I do it. Maybe I was bored. Maybe it was because I didn’t mourn. I was 16 and didn’t care if I lived or died,” I explained.

 

“Are you still taking it?” Bruce asked concerned. I shook my head no.

 

“That’s why I didn’t leave my room the first two weeks I was here. You wouldn’t wanted to see me like that.”

 

Bruce took my bandaged hands in his, “y/n, you are one of the strongest people I know and I live with earths mightiest hero’s. I know what it’s like to want to get rid of the pain. I don’t see you as weak for doing drugs. I see you as a person trying to run away from their pain.”

 

“Thank you, Bruce. I can’t promise that I won’t ever do it again but I can promise that I’ll try my hardest not to,” I sighed.

 

“That’s all I’m asking of you. That’s what your dad and everyone on this team wants. To just try your best.”

 

•••

 

Just my luck to run straight into Bucky the second I leave the lab.

 

“We have to stop meeting like this Bucky,” I smirked, masking the emotions that were running through me from Bruce’s talk.

 

Bucky sighed and rolled his eyes until he noticed by bandaged hands.

 

“What happened?” He demanded with narrowed eyes.

 

“Well you see there was this EXTREMELY hot blonde who did this thing with her tongue...” I started to say before Bucky cut me off.

 

“I DON’T NEED TO KNOW!” He yelled, covering his ears as he ran away.

 

“You’re lying,” a smooth voice said from behind me. I turned around to find Loki leaning against the wall.

 

“Of course I am,” I told him, staring at his lean figure.

 

“Why? Aren’t you part of the team now?” he questioned smugly. “I don’t think the captain would approve of you lying to a fellow teammate,” he said sarcastically.

 

“I could care less what Rogers thinks about me or you for that matter,” I said as I walked away.

 

“Wait!” Loki called, smiling apologetically.

“I didn’t mean to accuse you, I was just curious why you would lie, that’s all,” he explained.

 

“I rather not tell Barnes how I lost control and beat a punching bag till I was black and blue and got blood everywhere,” I rolled my eyes.

 

“You humans are not good at controlling your emotions,” Loki stated.

 

“Thank you for your observation Loki, I totally didn’t notice.” Loki surprisingly laughed at that.

 

“You are an interesting one mortal,” he smiled. “Thanks, I like to think it’s because of my amazing personality and incredible figure but most people say it’s because I have no filter,” I said, pretending to sound seductive as I dramatically leaned against the wall next to Loki. He just laughed and walked away muttering something along the lines of “the only funny person in this tower.” Damn straight I am.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

“Gasp!”

 

“Did you just say gasp out loud?” Steve questioned confused.

 

“Yes, I did, `cause I’m a dramatic bitch and I wanted attention.” Steve laughed and Tony rolled his eyes. We were sitting in the living room going over what it means to be an Avenger and all the shit the government said I can and can’t do. Fuck the system.

 

“This is so boring!” I yelled, tired of hearing about a job I didn’t even want. I was use to doing my own thing, patrolling Chicago’s streets all hours of the night (the only thing insomnia came in handy for). I started to make the newspaper, never the tv though because it was only low level drug rings or armed robbery’s I stopped.

 

I would wear my black hair in a braid over my shoulder, my long bangs covering part of my face. I wore a black suit similar to Bucks, except I had two swords on my back and two guns in my holsters. I wore a black mask with a skeleton smile that covered the bottom half of my face. I liked to snipe people from far away, the only thing they saw were my glowing red eyes (courtesy to the Halloween stores contacts). The newspaper nicknamed me poison, and it stuck because I like to use hemlock and other shit that I grew in my garden - the perks of being Wiccan.

 

No one on the team knew about this and it was going to be risky to start patrolling New York’s streets. Training with Barnes only did so much to tire me out, I needed to actually fight someone, not pretend.

 

“Uhhh...y/n? Anyone home?” Tony asked, waving his hand in front of my face.

 

“Huh? Yea, sorry. I was just getting lost in Steve’s eyes,” I joked, winking at a now flustered Steve.

 

“Oooookay I think that enough for today!” Tony yelled, dragging Steve out of the room.

 

“I can sense your distress from miles away dear,” a cool voice whispered.

 

My head whipped around and I was now inches away from Loki’s smug face.

 

“Um Loki you’re handsome and everything but I’m not really into the whole stalking and reading my mind thing,” I narrowed my eyes.

 

“Handsome?” Loki questioned, raising his brows.

 

“Don’t play dumb love, we both know you’re to die for,” I winked as he laughed.

 

“If anyone’s to die for it’s you dear, you’re starting to have everyone on this team wrapped around your finger,” he smirked.

 

“How so?” I asked confused. “The boy, Peter, he’s only met you once yet he hasn’t stopped talking about you. I overheard Nat talking to Wanda about how funny you are and how she’s planning a girls day out. Steve smiles when you enter a room and Tony has been out of his lab more times in one day than he has in the past year,” Loki explained not noticing my misty eyes.

 

Loki, finally noticing my reaction, frowned softly. “You are loved y/n...we all care about you. You have shown me more kindness than any human ever has or will. You haven’t judged me or treated me differently because of my past actions. You are humorous and not like the other members on the team,” Loki said softly, wiping away a tear that was rolling down my cheek.

 

God I’m always attracted to the worst people. My past relationships didn’t end well so I gave up on the dating part and went straight to the sex part. But I had a home now...and people that apparently cared (at least I think they do but that never lasts).

 

Loki leaned down and pressed his soft cool lips against mine, his hand around my waist pulling me closer as I returnedthe kiss.

 

Me and Loki? Didn’t see it coming. I’ve been staring at Buckys thighs nonstop since I got here but him and I haven’t gotten anywhere and I don’t think he’s interested. Now that I think about it Bucky probably hates me, that’s why he’s always a dick.

 

Loki’s other hand found its way into my hair, pressing our lips harder together. He was cold and soft like the beginning of spring, contrasting the harsh summer heat that the constant anger and sadness in my bones radiated. His coolness made me feel less on fire, the cracks in my soul pulsed with new found life. I grasped at the back of his neck, deepening the kiss.

 

Kissing Loki was intense, so many emotions at once. I wish we did it earlier, we could’ve skipped all the light flirting in the halls and sexual jokes in front of the team.

 

His hands began to wander lower until we heard someone loudly clear their throat. We quickly broke apart and were faced with the confused face of Steve, the amused face of Tony, and the angry face of one James Buchanan Barnes.


	9. Chapter 9

“Way to ruin the mood Stevie,” I joked as he rubbed his eyes, trying to get the scene of Loki and I playing tonsil hockey out of his mind.

 

“I realllly didn’t see this coming and I know that nothing I can say will stop you so I’m just gonna say please don’t fuck on the couch,” Tony sighed as he began to walk out of the room.

 

“And don’t fuck on the kitchen counter either, we eat there you know!” He yelled.

 

“Um...I’m just going to go now...” Steve mumbled. Only Bucky stayed behind, his eyes filled with anger.

 

Was Bucky jealous? He’s been an asshole to me since the second I walked into the building.

 

“Bucky you’re being a cock block please leave,” I snorted.

 

“Seriously? After all he’s done you’re going to fuck with him y/n?” Bucky growled.

 

“How dare you James! I think we ALL have blood on our hands and body’s in our pasts so I don’t think you’re one to talk!” I spit back.

 

Loki was silent during the first encounter but as soon as Bucky said what he said I saw him summon one of his daggers behind his back.

 

I stood beside Loki and snuck my hand behind his back, grasping at his hand that was angrily clenched around the handle. If anyone was going to be stabbing Bucky it would most definitely be ME.

 

Bucky’s eyes softened at what I said, realizing that indeed everyone on this team has fucked up (except Peter).

 

“I’m...sorry,” he said softly.

 

“Just forget it Barnes,” I sighed, already over this conversation.

 

Bucky left the room and I turned around to get back to...wherever that kiss was leading to but to my surprise the little shit was gone!

 

“What the FUCK LOKI?!” I yelled. What a bastard.

 

•••

 

“Everything is falling into place!” Wanda squealed. Steve just rolled his eyes, wanting the plan to work faster.

 

Loki sighed, tired of being around humans.

 

“It was enjoyable...maybe I’ll have to go back for seconds,” Loki smirked.

 

“You promised! Only once and JUST to make Bucky jealous but I saw your hands wandering Loki!” Steve glared.

 

Wanda frowned, hoping that Loki wouldn’t ruin their plan. Everyone on the team could sense the sexual tension between y/n and Bucky from a mile away. They just needed a little push.

 

“Yes of course...the plan,” Loki said sarcastically. Except his mind wandered back to the kiss and y/n’s green eyes. He couldn’t help but put his finger against his lip after the others left the room, praying that his memory won’t forget the feeling of her lips against his.


	10. Chapter 10

I seemed to always find my way back to some dingy bar every night or at least when everything went to shit.

 

New York was never going to be home, it’s just not for me. I want more than anything to go back home, to Chicago, but because of past circumstances...I can’t.

 

I sighed and took another sip of my drink, bourbon on the rocks and tipped my cup signaling the bartender for another round. I lost count of how many I’ve had.

 

“I’d like 2 cosmos, 3 Manhattans, a whiskey sour, and....2 shots of tequila,” I heard a voice say.

 

I looked over to see an incredibly hot blonde with startling blue eyes and sun kissed skin next to me.

 

“Make that three shots on me,” I told the bartender as I winked at the hot blonde.

 

“Thanks but no thanks, you aren’t my type,” the girl said.

 

“What? You don’t like tall, broody, sexy women?” I joked, sliding closer to her.

 

“I meant I don’t like girls that way,” she laughed and rolled her eyes.

 

“Well maybe it’s ‘cause you haven’t tried anything yet doll, I make the straightest people bendy,” I winked.

 

“Is this bitch bothering you?” asked a muscular young man approaching us.

 

“Nothing I can’t handle,” the woman said.

“Oh you can handle me, that’s an invitation,” I laughed.

 

“Hey you better show her some respect you little Stark bitch, she’s a high ranking Shield officer,” the man spat out.

 

I frowned at being recognized, some agent at the tower probably spilled.

 

“And what are you going to do about it? Fight me? Well get some more guys and maybe it’ll be a fair fight,” I said as I patted him on the cheek.

 

I turned around but the guy threw a right hook, hitting me right in the jaw. Well shit, that hurt.

 

“Oh now you’re really gonna get it you little shit,” I spat out.

 

I punched the Shield guy right back, sending him sprawling across a bar table. I went to throw another punch but another agent grabbed my wrist, holding me back which gave the original asshole enough time to start repetitively punching the living daylights out of me. My vision started to grow blurry and blood was pouring down my face and all I could here was the girl I was hitting on yelling at them that I’ve had enough.

 

Suddenly the punches stopped and I looked up to see all the agents in the bar standing straight with fear in their eyes. And there right in the doorway was Fury looking pissed as hell. “New recruits! Out now!” He barked. The apparently new shield recruits hurried out the door, embarrassed that their superior caught them in a bar fight of all things.

 

“You’re really scary you know that?” I mumbled out as I fell back down to the floor, blood dripping from my nose and lip.

 

Fury looked down at me with a frown and a hint of concern.

 

•••

 

“When I asked you to join the Avengers it wasn’t because your Starks daughter or that you’re capable of it, it’s because they are a family and that’s something that everyone needs,” Fury said staring at me as I looked down at the table, napkins soaked with blood hangingfrom my nose and my hand swirling my drink around.

 

“Family doesn’t mean anything. It’s just another thing that holds you back from doing what you want to do. Do you think if I opened up to them they would ever let me go out to a bar again? Let me go on a mission? I’ll just be another casualty that they want to hide away and protect like a special gem they found in a pile of rubble. I don’t want to be a gem hidden away, I want to be me in all my fucked up glory, drinking when I want to, fucking when I want to, fighting when I want to,” I explained.

 

“Y/n I’m giving you an opportunity to have the life you deserve, one that was taken away from you the day your family died. These people are already starting to care for you and it’ll only grow more with time. You will be loved and cared for and only go on missions when necessary. Don’t you want something normal for once?” Fury pressed.

 

It’s true. I do want something somewhat normal for once. I just don’t want to get hurt again. I grow attached to easily and I don’t want to accidentally fall in love with one of them.

 

“I do and I’ll try,” I sighed out. “That’s all we’re asking of you y/n,” Fury said.


	11. Chapter 11

“Is this an intervention?” I asked Tony and Steve as they searched my room. “Because I swear, I gave up the hard stuff in the 80s.”

 

“Y/n...you weren’t even alive in the 80s,” Tony said rolling his eyes. “Same difference,” I snorted.

 

“Tell me again why my room is being sacked? Is this a drug bust? Because I promise you I’m clean and I’m not stupid enough to hide anything illegal in this building,” I said matter of factly.

 

“That’s a very reassuring thought...” Tony sighed. “Fury told us about your bar fight last night, y/n,” Steve said frowning. “You’re an Avenger now, it doesn’t reflect well on the team if one of us starts fights with Shield recruits or anyone.”

 

“Sorry...from now on I’ll be the next symbol of justice, peace, and....purity? GOD BLESS AMERICA!” I yelled as I marched around my room. Steve and Tony just laughed, leaving my room after searching high and low for anything remotely illegal.

 

By the time I rearranged my room and picked up all the clothes they tossed aside in their raid it was time for lunch.

 

A knock on my door distracted me from my grumbling stomach and I went to open the door to find Nat patiently waiting for me.

 

“Want to go for coffee? There’s a new place down the street that just opened and if you’re anything like Tony you must be a caffeine freak,” Natasha asked.

 

“Hell yeah! Let’s get it brothers,” I shouted down the hallway, catching the attention of some Shield agents. I passed the original asshole that punched me last night and made sure to catch his gaze.

 

“At ease, soldier,” I said as I gave him a two finger salute. Chad - which I decided to name him since every white guy named Chad is a dick - tensed up and returned my remark with an evil glare.

 

Nat watched the exchange confused but didn’t question it. We were almost out the door till I recognized the blonde girl I tried to hit on last night in the lobby.

 

“Hey I know you!” I called at her, trying once again to get her attention. “I never got your name,” I winked at her. She just sighed and walked over to me, ready to get this encounter over with. “That’s classified information,” she smirked.

 

“I feel like that’s a lie but because you’re my future wife I’m going to ignore it,” I said narrowing my eyes. “It was good seeing you again but I have a coffee date to get to...but I’m sure we’ll meet again,” I winked. “Dear god I hope not,” she said rolling her eyes.

 

“Who was that?” Nat questioned me, intrigued. “Oh her...we go way back!”

 

•••

 

We walked down the busy streets of New York, passing street performers happily banging away on buckets used as drums and rough covers of Ed Sheeran songs. The weather is warm and sunny, a blessing compared to the rainy cities I was usually stowed away in throughout the rest of the year.

 

We made are way into the new coffee shop, one of the hipster ones that were decorated in just black and whites with neons signs and succulents at every table. I didn’t know the name of it but it probably had some basic name like ‘the foam` or ‘the mug` but I could care less, at least the coffee looked good.

 

I was to invested in my creamy coconut latte served over ice to notice Natasha’s intense gaze that seemed to be willing me to spill all my deepest secrets.

 

“What?” I asked, my mouth full of the rosè macaroon I just bit. Nat rolled her eyes at my manners, gracefully taking a sip of her warm Nutella latte.

 

“I overheard Steve and Bucky talking last night...when were you going to tell me you and Loki are a thing?” She demanded.

 

“I wouldn’t really call us a ‘thing` but he did kiss me,” I tried to explain, hoping that Nat wouldn’t get ahead of herself even though she probably has the wedding colors all picked out.

 

“I’m thinking a green and gold wedding...in the Italian country side,” Nat sighed dreamily.

 

“Okay, it’s official, you’re insane,” I laughed. Nat may seem all rough and tuff but on the inside she is a hopeless romantic who is a sucker for the cliche cheesy stuff.

 

“It was just one kiss, and the bastard disappeared once we got caught without saying anything and I haven’t seen him since,” I growled, angrily eating the rest of my macaroons to drown my emotions.

 

“That is such a Loki thing to do but I’m just surprised he kissed you in the first place - Loki usually isn’t a really emotion expressing type of guy, ya know?” Nat explained.

 

“I know...I’m confused,” I signed. Nat grabbed my hand in comfort. “Don’t worry, if he truly feels for you he’ll come around eventually,” she comforted me.

 

It was just one kiss but it left me feeling so confused.

 

“At least he isn’t an asshole to me like Bucky,” I told her. Nat started to laugh at that, leaving me confused as to why that was so funny.

 

“It’s not funny, okay? I don’t think it’s funny,” I said pouting and angrily sticking my tongue out at her.

 

“I don’t think it’s funny either,” she says. “I think it’s stupid. How can you seriously not tell that the man is hopelessly in love with you?” Nat snorted.

 

“Ummm what spicy flour have you been snorting amigo? Cause Bucky and I...that’s a big no bueno right there buddy.”

 

“Are you blind? Everyone on the team can SMELL the sexual tension between you guys from miles away,” she laughed.

 

“I will admit, the man has some killer thighs that look like a good ride...and is overall incredibly sexy...okay and maybe SOMETIMES a decent person at best...and maybe he has said a few nice things to me...STOP IT NAT YOU’RE MAKING MY EMOTIONS CONFUSED!” I yelled at her. She just sat there laughing at me.

 

“But Loki is actually kind and funny and handsome and...a god,” I sighed thinking about the kiss we shared.

 

“Looks like you got some feelings to work through!” Nat cheered as she snatched a lavender vanilla macaroon from my plate.


	12. Chapter 12

 

“What do you know about Y/n?” Bucky asked Steve out of no where, both sitting on Steve’s couch in their shared living room. Steve looked up, surprised at his friends question but answered anyways.

 

“She had a rough past...that she doesn’t like to talk about. I know Tony doesn’t know all of it and I don’t think he wants to. Outside of the police reports we read? Not much. She likes art - and is good at it to - but prefers watercolor,” He said, thinking back to last week when they painted together in comfortable silence, nothing but old jazz playing in the background.

 

“She likes iced coffee and spicy food and any movie made in the 80s. She likes Star Trek and cats and has a dog that lives at her friends house in Chicago,” Steve finally said after remembering all the little bits of random knowledge he’s picked up from his fellow teammates about the younger Stark.

 

“How do you know all of that?” Bucky asked accusingly, hoping that there is no spark between his friend and y/n.

 

“You’re jealous aren’t you?” Steve laughed, amused that his best friend was infatuated with the Stark girl. Of all people of course Bucky would catch the feels for the constantly moody secretive one.

 

“What?! No! I just wanted to make sure she wasn’t going to kill us all in our sleep or something,” Bucky yelled, surprised that Steve would suggest something like that. Jealous? Pshhhh...Bucky Barnes does _NOT_ get jealous _ESPECIALLY_ over someone as annoying as y/n. Right???

 

“Okay Buck you keep telling yourself that,” Steve continued to laugh at his friends behavior. Hopefully he’d come to his senses and ask her out before someone else did.

 

•••

 

“Brother what do you know of Lady Stark?” Loki innocently asked Thor who was currently attempting to rescue the poptarts that were stuck in the toaster.

 

“Lady y/n? She’s amazing!” Thor beamed at his brother. Loki frowned at that, was Thor... _involved_ with the woman? No it couldn’t be, y/n is smarter than the brainless flock of women that constantly throw themselves at his oaf of a brother.

 

“Why do you ask brother?” Thor asked, giving Loki a suggestive look. Damnit Loki thought, he underestimated Thor’s ability to understand his true intent behind his question again.

 

“Just curious...that’s all,” Loki once again tried to maintain the image of innocence.

 

“Hmmm,” Thor hummed, thinking about the very little information he knows of y/n.

 

“Lady Stark is a very skilled warrior. I’ve seen her beat Lady Natasha in hand to hand combat! She’s a talented swordsman, her preferred choice of weapon,” Thor eagerly explained.

 

“Yes I _know_ all of that but what about _her_ her? Like her favorite story or color or if she likes previously homicidal gods?” Loki urged.

 

“I’m thinking her favorite color is black, she seems to wear a lot of it, I’m not so sure about the homicidal god part but I can ask for you if you’d like,” Thor replied.

 

Loki sighed, his brother was truly no help. “Not it’s all right,” he insisted, not wanting his feelings revealed.

 

“What is this about brother?” Thor asked even though the oaf knew. “Do you fancy her?” Thor asked innocently as he nibbled on his strawberry pop tart.

 

“Of course not! But she seems to be the only member on this team worthy of befriending,” Loki tried to convince his brother. “Of course....a friend,” Thor said as he wiggled his eyebrows.

 

•••

 

“You okay y/n? You look a little to invested in your whiskey there,” Wanda joked. It was past dinner time so that means drinking time.

 

“I love you,” I whispered into my whiskey, trying to see if the words would trigger Buckys or Loki’s face in my mind. Nothing.

 

“Okay...time for bed. You know someone is tired once they start whispering sweet nothings into their drinks,” Wanda said as she dragged me away from the kitchen.

 

“Are you sniffing me? You know that’s rude, right?” Wanda laughed.

 

“Mmhmm. You smell nice.” She smelled like the kind of jasmine they sell in Chinatown tea shops which made me homesick for Chicago. I used to go to Chinatown every weekend to get sushi back when I had friends. We would get cream buns and taro bubble tea and sit by the water talking about normal things like school.

 

“You’re a weirdo,” she says, petting my hair in a soothing way. I was planning on patrolling tonight, breaking out the old Poison get up but I’m not so sure a drunk vigilante is the best vigilante.

 

“Into bed!” Wanda gasped as she yeeted me into my bed. “You should really start to decorate in here,” she said looking around my mostly empty room. “It looks depressing.”

 

“That’s a project for another time,” I sighed - agreeing that my room indeed looks depressing. Decorating was an old passion of mine and since I’m starting a new (hopefully permanent) stage of my life I guess I should work on my room.

 

I woke up with only a slight hangover which was healed with the Bloody Mary Tony slid towards me when I finally dragged myself out of bed.

 

“I’m not encouraging your drinking, I’m just trying to prevent you from keeling over and sleeping in the elevator again,” Tony explained semi-serious.

 

Today was distract-y/n-from-emotions-day. Aka try to forgot about Loki and Bucky no matter how sexy they are. I rolled up my sleeves and stared at my empty bedroom. “Time to get crack’a lackin.”

 

The walls were already white, which I wanted to keep. The walls were bare so I went to my storage unit in Queens to search through my old paintings. It saddened me, thinking about the days that I spent hours painting instead of doing homework. My mom supported my painting, hoping that I could get a scholarship out of it.

 

I shook the old memories out of my head and focused on the task at hand. I picked an old painting of Berlin that I made back in sophomore year of high school after I went, it was the greatest week of my life.

 

I went to school there once - one of the first Tony sent me to after I told him about my trip there. I spend more time drinking lattes on the cobblestone streets and chain smoking with my fellow German punks than actually going to school so I didn’t spend that long there.

 

The next painting I chose was a bright 70s style acrylic of three abstract women drinking coffee on the streets of Paris. My older sister studied abroad their for a semester before she passed. We went to visit her once and probably gained 10 pounds that week from all the chocolate croissants we ate. But it was beautiful.

 

The third painting I chose was of back home. The Chicago skyline. Simple but emotional. I wanted to go back but it wasn’t safe yet...not after all that happened there. Not after what caused Poison to go into hiding. Even if I went back now it would be to dangerous to patrol the streets in my old getup, I’d be recognized by my old enemies to quickly.

 

I gathered the painting and loaded them into the trunk of the car Tony let me borrow. I was to caught up trying to make them fit that I didn’t notice a certain spider watching me.

 

“Peter,” I said without looking behind me. I heard a gasp and an “oh shit” along with a crash behind me.

 

I turned around to see Spiderman crawling out of the dumpster he fell into. “You know it’s rude to spy on people, Peter,” I smirked.

 

“Hey your in my side of town! I had to make sure you weren’t doing anything... _suspicious_ ,” Peter said, the eyes on his mask squinting accusingly.

 

“Nothing suspicious here other than my 20 pound bag of meth,” I said seriously.

 

“Oh okay...wait what?!” Peter yelled opening the car trunk. I laughed as he realized I was just messing with him.

“That was mean,” he pouted.

 

•••

 

I hung the paintings in a row because I’m a slut for symmetry. It made the room feel brighter but it was still relatively empty. Sighing I realized that I’ve been here for weeks now and I’ve forgotten to set up my altar.

 

I opened the box with my Wiccan supplies that was shoved to the back of my closet when I first got here. I laid the velvet purple cloth with intricate golden swirls on the lowest shelf of my bookcase, a perfect spot for my new altar. I placed the tall white candle to the farthest right corner of the cloth and the black candle to the left. My incense stick holder was placed in front along with the burner besides it. The rest of my altar was made up of various crystals, although I preferred amethyst. Smaller candles were spread across the fabric along with my set of tarot cards and my book of shadows. My statue of the Triple Goddess was in the center of it all. Perfect, I thought.

 

I also placed a small sketch of Asgard I drew the first week I came to the tower. Thor happily answered all my questions about his home and described it in vivid detail which led me to dedicate the rest of my free time that week to painting Asgard’s golden city, lush green landscape, and grand rainbow bridge.

 

It brought tears to Thor’s eyes when I presented it to him at dinner one night. The rest of the team awed at my skills, Tony upset that I didn’t tell him about my artistic abilities and Steve inviting me to his art room the next day. Loki, who is usually absent at dinner, was there that night and gazed in wonder at the painting. Thor proudly hung it in his room, his similar to mine - bare because of his long absence from earth.

 

The rest of the bookshelf was filled with my books, another passion of mine. The books ranged from mystery to fantasy to nonfiction. I use to read on patrol back home, my legs carelessly dangling from the fire escape I hid on at my shared crappy apartment. I liked to read Lord of the Rings while waiting for crime to break out, it brought me some sense of peace and normalcy to patrolling the dangerous streets.

 

“It looks good,” Tony said from my doorway. “It’s good. Good that you’re finally settling in, this is your home,” he elaborated. “I know,” I muttered back, still not used to the idea of having a real home.

 

The closest I got to a home after the accident was living with my best friend until his dad kicked me out when he found out about the heroin. I didn’t want to change my friends image of his dad so I told him I was leaving on my own free will and it broke his damn heart but it was worth it, I didn’t want him to hate his dad over me. After that the only place I ever had that I could call my own was a small really shitty one room apartment on the south side of Chicago that I shared with a fellow vigilante friend. We called it our drug den which wasn’t to far from the truth. It was home base, a place we went only to sleep and patch up after a rough night. Not a place of comfort or cheer.

 

“It’s about time you get your shit together,” Tony joked as he slapped me on the shoulder, ruining the moment as always.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

“Hold on,” a voice said from above me. I winced in pain, I felt like I was on fire. I didn’t expect half a fucking building to collapse on me but nothing should surprise me anymore with my shit luck.

 

“I could really go for some enchiladas right now,” I groaned at the blue and red blob above me that I assumed to be Steve.

 

“We’re going to get you out of here,” the Steve blob said as he called for backup. Everything was blurry and sleeping sounded really good right about now. I closed my eyes and drifted into darkness.

 

••• 6 hours earlier •••

 

“Mission time, mission time, mission time,” Friday repeated in a monotone voice.

 

“No thanks,” I muttered back, perfectly content with staying in bed all day. Just me, my bottle of whiskey, and some coffee cake. 

 

“GETUPGETUPGETUPGETUP,” Tony’s voice suddenly chanted over the speaker.

 

I covered my head with my pillow, trying to block out my rooms now flashing lights. One of Tony’s many attempts to get me out of bed. I was so close to falling back to sleep until I felt a warm hand grasp around my calf and pull me out of my bed on to the floor.

 

“What.the.fuck.” I groaned at an amused Clint. “Fury is going to kill us if we’re late so Tony wakes us up two hours before a meeting starts,” he explained.

 

“Tony? Wakes up early? Willingly?” I questioned confused. “Only after Pepper threatened him,” Clint laughed, remembering the tragic morning when Pepper showed us her compilation of emotional drunk Tony moments until he promised to come early so Fury wouldn’t be on all of our asses.

 

“But seriously why two hours?” I whined. “Do you know how long it takes for everyone to wake up? It takes at least an hour to get Thor to stay awake long enough to get dressed,” Clint complained.

 

“How did you get into my room?” I suddenly became suspicious after seeing that my door was still locked.

 

“Ummm...the air vent?” Clint bashfully muttered. “Of course, I forgot that that’s your thing. You live in the air vents like the the kids in that one episode of Supernatural.”

 

“Hey! That is totally different. I’m not a homicidal child,” Clint defended himself.

 

“Something like that,” I laughed and left Clint to go change in my closet.

 

“I’ll see you at breakfast! Hopefully Steve is making pancakes,” Clint shouted as he stood on my bed to get back into the vents.

 

My official Avenger uniform was similar to a standard Shield uniform. It closely resembled Nat’s, a tight black jumpsuit except the vest part was green and the buckles gold. I braided my hair to keep it out of my face and made sure my bangs where curled enough to the point where they wouldn’t get in the way of my vision.

 

I tucked my two golden katanas into my back sword holster, the leather bound handles crisscrossing on my back like Deadpool. It was similar to my Poison uniform except less intimidating and missing red contacts. This was more of I’m a laser tag professional from space mixed with Star Trek cosplay but I kind of was living for it.

 

I waited for the elevator to come to take me to the main floor. The door opened to reveal one Bucky Barnes who was looking spicier than ever - freshly shaven, short hair, and a new tighter fit uniform. Holy fuck.

 

“Well fancy seeing you here James,” I smirked and walked into the small elevator, purposeful swaying my hips that captured the soldiers attention.

 

“Nice get up,” he said, biting his lip which really shouldn’t but did turn me on.

 

“Thanks. You don’t look to bad yourself,” I smiled. “Although I’m going to miss having the advantage of pulling your hair in a fight,” I joked, a dirty move I liked to do in our nightly training to get him all hot and bothered.

 

“Don’t worry doll, you can still pull my hair anytime you like,” he smirked back. Holy fuck holy fuck was that an innuendo or was he talking about fighting WTF, my brain screamed.

 

“I might have to take you up on that offer...” I said as I leaned closer to him until the door opened, interrupting the moment as always.

 

“Good morning friends!” Thor boomed and Loki sighed, not wanting Thor to start his daily yelling so early in the morning.

 

“Morning Thor,” Bucky laughed, amused at Loki’s annoyance. Loki’s eyes flickered between the small proximity between Bucky and I. I was sandwiched between Loki and Bucky, not a bad position to be in but the tension in the air was thick, both alpha males sizing each other up. Thor peacefully tapped away on his Stark phone, playing angry birds a few years to late. The poor guy was off earth so long he hasn’t caught up on his pop culture just yet.

 

The elevator dinged signifying that we reached our destination and the doors opened to the main floor where the rest of the team laid on the couches and floor eating the donuts Tony bought them to keep them from killing him for waking them up so early.

 

“I have a maple bacon donut with your name on it,” Nat waved the beautiful dessert at me.

 

“I love you!” I told her as I snatched the pastry from her. The rest of the team groaned about how early it was except Steve who likes to start his mornings early.

 

“So a mission right? Who do I need to decapitate?” I asked as I poured myself a glass of iced coffee. “No decapitating, just a simple in and out mission,” Steve explained as he poured a cup for himself.

 

“It’s an old hydra base that hasn’t been active in a long time so it’s most likely abandoned. They like to rig the place with traps so we have to be careful not set anything off. Fury wants us to download any files they left behind, see if it could help flush out any left over moles in Shield,” Clint told us as he read us our plans for the day.

 

“We have to stay in pairs...y/n you’re with Bucky, try not to kill each other,” Steve said smugly. “Oh great, thanks Steven,” I rolled my eyes. “Sorry to disappoint sweetheart,” Bucky smirked.

 

•••

 

The base was in the middle of no where Vancouver, hidden in the mountains and buried in snow. “This is great, so great, I just fucking love snow,” I growled as I helped Bucky unbury the back entrance that was covered in layers of snow.

 

“Shut up and keep digging,” he snapped back. When we finally made our way inside it hit me just how cold it was. My suit had heaters in it but it only did so much to warm me from the freezing air of the underground base. Bucky, noticing my shivering, put a hand on my shoulder. “Will be out of here soon, just a simple in and out like Steve said,” he tried to comfort me. “Right...piece of cake,” I said with fake enthusiasm.

 

•••

 

“This is pointless. Nothing in here is going to help us,” I shouted for the millionth time. We were searching through a hallway that seemed to have endless rooms, looking for any computer or files that were left behind but all we’ve found so far was a file on the fucking janitors and a few dead mice. Wonderful.

 

“You know what’s really not helping? You.” Bucky replied without even looking up from the folder he was reading. “Keep looking,” he ordered.

 

Moaning, I left him to check the next room. But the corner of my eye caught something at the end of the hallway. “Oh no. No no no no. We are not recreating the Shining, no thank you,” I said as I grabbed my gun from my holster and aimed at the darkness, ready to fire. A shot rang through the empty hallway and thankfully hit the wall behind me, barley missing my left shoulder.

 

“Bucky we’ve been compromised!” I shouted. Bucky ran out of the room and dived on top of me as shots began to carelessly fire through the endless hallway. There was no telling how many people were at the end waiting for us. It was dark and we were most likely outnumbered and the rest of the team came through different entrances miles away from ours. “This is just wonderful,” I sighed. Bucky grabbed my arm and dragged me into the nearest room and locked the door, barricading it with a heavy table.

 

The room was small and didn’t leave much room for us since the table took up more than half of it. The firing stopped and all I could hear was Buckys deep sigh against my neck, his warm breath making me shiver from the contrast against the cold of the room. “What’s are plan now, since you’ve successfully trapped us instead of killing the enemy,” I groaned.

 

“Hey I just saved us doll, a thank you would be nice,” he growled. God that turned me on. His muscular body was practically pushed against mine, his eyes traveling over my face. “Fine. Thank you,” I smirked as I stretched my leg out between his, my knee just barley grazing his crotch. “What are you doing doll?” He whispered as he buried his face into my neck. “Just stretching, it’s cramped in here,” I explained, hoping to get away with my little plan. That table was looking awfully comfortable right now.

 

Buckys thigh made its way between my legs and his hand grabbed my hips, forcefully grinding me on his clothed thigh. A shot of pleasure went through me as I asked, “What are you doing?” “Just stretching,” he smirked. Bucky leaned against the table and pulled me closer against his thigh. “Stretching would be good right now...it’s so tight in here,” I murmured as I ran my hand down his chest. “And cold, body heat would be needed to stretch properly,” he groaned, unzipping the front of my suit to reveal my red lacy bra. You always have to be prepared!

 

I shivered as my chest was now exposed to the cold air but it was quickly replaced with a different kind of shiver when Buckys warm lips met my breasts. I panted, overwhelmed by the warmth I was now feeling and my legs buckled so Bucky pulled me on to his lap, now fully sitting on the table. “Bucky,” I murmured his name as he took of his vest and then his undershirt and then fucking finally his last layer to reveal his chiseled abs and metal arm. Damn the things I want that man to do to me with that arm.

 

His chest was pressed against mine, radiating his unnatural body heat through me, causing shivers to run down my spine. We finally made eye contact but was broken by his lips finding their way to mine. It was warm and rough and he tasted like something so distinguishably Bucky that it just further turned me on. As the kiss got heated and faster and his tongue found its way to mine he began to pull my suit lower until my matching red panties were on display. “I like the red,” he growled into my ear. “I knew you would,” I sighed, remembering the way he stared at me when I wore a tight red dress to one of Tony’s many parties he forced me to attend.

 

Two metal digits slowly circled around my clothed clit making me sigh in pleasure which cause Bucky to buck his hips. “Tell me what you want doll,” Bucky groaned, his head resting on my shoulder. I could barley think straight, the agonizingly slow figure eights his fingers traced against my nerves was overwhelming but I managed to choke out, “You. God I want you James,” moaning into his chest, my cheeks red with embarrassment. My response caused Bucky to quicken his pace and leave a trail of soon to be green and purple bruises along my neck and breasts.

 

I whimpered when his fingers stopped their rhythm but my annoyance quickly turned to excitement when I realized Bucky was no longer wearing any pants, his insanely long member fully on display. He kissed me again, his warm lips moving in sync with mine and his hands explored my thighs. “Do you want this doll?” Bucky chocked out, caught up in the waves of pleasure my hands were giving him. “Yes. I can take it,” I tried to convince him, knowing that I definitely couldn’t take it.

 

It’s been so long since I been with a man, they usually do it quick and from behind, no passion or care for the woman involved. With girls it was more sensual and they shared the same anatomy so they knew what really got me going but somehow Bucky knew too.

 

We didn’t have protection and I doubt Bucky remembered that, luckily I wasn’t capable of having children at the moment - there’s other forms of birth control.

 

Bucky pulled down my underwear and pushed me onto my back on the table. His arm wrapped around me and I threw my head back in pleasure when he finally entered me, pounding away like we weren’t in a Hydra base and almost died a few minutes ago. And I took it like a champ.

 

•••

 

“I don’t hear anything,” I whisper yelled to Bucky, my ear pressed against the cold door. “I don’t think we should risk it,” Bucky began to explain but it was to late because I had already opened the door. A shot rang through the dark hallway and nearly missed my nose. Bucky grabbed the back of my suit and forcefully pulled me back into the room and slammed the door closed.

 

“Whoops,” I muttered to him. “Whoops? Whoops?!! You almost got shot and that what you say?” Bucky whisper shouted in annoyance. “My bad?” I offered weakly. Bucky sighed and rubbed his head.

 

“So round 2 on the table or escape plan time?” I teased. “What’s your plan?” Bucky hesitatingly asked, ignoring my comment about round 2.

 

“We’re going to pull an Indiana Jones, Buck,” I whisper yelled in excitement.

 

•••

 

“3...2...1...GO!” Bucky whispered. I opened the door a crack and rolled a quarter down the hallway. Shots began to immediately fire and the person behind the gun walked towards the quarter and picked it up in confusion. “Now!” I yelled at Bucky, both of us slamming the door open and pushing the table towards the Hydra agent, successfully pinning him against the wall. The agent yelled in pain from almost being squished to death by a table. “Hail Hydra!” He yelled, trying to reach the gun that fell from his grasp. “Hail this,” I said as I pressed the barrel of my gun to his head and pulled the trigger. His body sunk to the floor and Bucky let the table fall. The Hydra agent was alone, probably just a low ranking agent that was hired as security for the now inactive base.

 

“You take the right, I’ll take the left,” Bucky ordered, we had to make sure there wasn’t anyone else waiting to jump out. “Be careful,” I muttered back, earning a head nod from the man.

 

“Okay time to walk down a creepy, dark long hallways. No big deal. I’ve killed many people. I’ve slept in dark alleyways with rats and crazy homeless men, I can do this,” I hyped myself up. My gun was raised, ready to fire as I searched for any sources of life in the endless hallways. I eventually made my way to the end, which was apparently a dead end. Good, no more psychos to kill.

 

I was making my way back to Bucky when I started to hear a beeping noise - a very familiar beeping noise. “Shit!” I yelled as an explosion went off, breaking the wall of the once dead end into another hallway. Parts of the ceiling were raining down and I was trapped under piles of rocks. My head was wringing and I heard yelling coming from the new doorway the explosion made. Steve was suddenly there trying to get me to stay awake but all I could think about before I passed out was if there was another bomb at the end of Bucky’s hallways.

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

•••a few days before the explosion•••

 

Sleep never got easier no matter how long I stayed at the tower. Every night I found myself in a different spot, deep in thought about the future. I always felt like I was meant for something more, but I suppose everyone feels that way. It’s only normal to try to convince yourself that you’re important and are here for a reason.

 

But no matter how hard I tried to change that feeling it didn’t stop the dreams that strengthened the belief. You see, I dreamt about the car crash that killed my family every night for 6 months before it actually happened. Two years before it I had a dream that my parents got divorced. I told my closest friends about it and they told me I was overthinking it - it was just a dream - but it didn’t change the fact that two weeks later my parents sat my sisters and I down on our ripped leather couch and told us they were separating.

 

Already knowing though didn’t stop the tears pouring down my face and my shaking hands that comforted my mothers trembling figure every night for a month afterward.

 

Tonight was no different and the dreams came easily, haunting me of a blonde girl hanging in a closet and a candy apple green eyed man I left heartbroken back home. Damien was his name, and God’s was he something special. I dreamt about him to, long before I met him and his sharp tongue older brother. 

 

Zeus blessed me tonight with a storm. It made me smile as the heavy drops hit my face. I found myself on the common floors balcony in nothing but a rain soaked sweatshirt and jeans. My head was tilted towards the sky and the cool nights air made me shiver. I heard the glass door slide open and sensed a figure watching me.

 

“I’ve read about you, you know,” I told him with a shy smile. I wasn’t sure if he could here me over the downpour. “I-I’m sorry?” Loki asked in shock. “You and your brother,” I continued. He didn’t respond and I almost thought he left until he sighed, “The Norse God’s have been long forgotten. No one prays to them anymore.” He sounded sad, like he was remembering a time long before mine when humans didn’t kill the things that were different, they were amazed and even prayed to them.

 

“I pray,” I muttered, “Every night.” Loki’s head tilted curiously. “Do you hear me?” I asked him, turning around to face him. He was dry, standing under the awning away from the rain that reminded him way to much of Thor. To my surprise he stepped into the rain to meet me. “I do.”

 

•••the next day•••

 

Keeping up with our streak of finding each other in random places at night, Loki found me on the roof, my legs dangling from the platform. It was early morning and the sun was just beginning to reveal itself on the horizon, casting a dim orange glow on the landing pad. 

 

“What does it feel like?” Loki asked, taking a seat next to me. His legs were crossed, the way the teachers would make us sit for snack time in preschool. “Huh?” I asked, distractedly looking at the rising sun. He seemed to be observing me, a hint of worry in his eyes. “What was that?” I asked again.

 

“I said, what does it feel like?” “Dude, if you’re gonna follow that up with, falling from heaven, I’m fucking drop kicking you off this damn building,” my green eyes narrowing dangerously.

 

“That’s not where that was going to go, y/n,” Loki deadpanned. “Oh...what did you mean by it then?” I asked, confused by his cryptic question. He grabbed my bare arm that rested between the both of us. A delicate finger traced my almost completely tattooed wrist, sending goosebumps up my arm.

 

The lines of scars were still visible and stood in stark contrast against the paleness of my skin. I gulped, scared that he would tell Tony. I couldn’t go back to another hospital - not again. I don’t think I could survive another time.

 

Or maybe Loki was confused, did self harm even exist on Asgard? Perhaps selfharm was a universal thing, after all anyone could go through periods of depression - god or not. It might even be worse for God’s, being immortal and all.

 

You think living as long as they do the goodbyes to loved ones would get easier but that was such an arrogant statement to believe, loosing someone you love never gets easier and the immortals live long enough to watch everyone else forget their faces.

 

I ripped my arm out of his grasp and quickly pulled down my bunched up sweatshirt sleeve. My heart pounded in my chest, I was never good with confrontation. “You didn’t answer my question,” Loki murmured, staring at the skyline. “Don’t worry about it,” I muttered.

 

•••present•••

 

“You said she’s going to make it, right?” Tony asked for the millionth time. Bruce sighed and rubbed his tired eyes.

 

“Yes Tony, she’ll be fine. She just needs time to heal. She was hit pretty hard and if Steve hadn’t shown up in time she wouldn’t be here,” he explained to the frantic man.

 

Tony sighed, relieved that Y/n would make it. When the second explosion went off he was sure it was going to kill her but thankfully it was in Barnes’ hallway and he was already away when it went off.

 

“But there is something I need to talk to you about Tony...you might want to take a seat,” Bruce spoke softly, not wanting to add more stress to the situation. Immediately Tony grew worried.

 

•••a few days before the explosion•••

 

“Thor what happens when humans burn offerings to the gods? What happens when we pray to them? When we believe in them?” We were sitting in the common area, the both of us waiting for our family to return from a mission that we weren’t apart of.

 

“No one believes in us, y/n.” Thor shook his head, smiling sadly. “I remember what it feels like, to be filled with the righteous faith of prayer. The chorus of their quiet cries inside me. It was a beautiful sound. It felt like a thunderstorm. Soothing. It gave me a sense of purpose, the thrum of pure belief. It is gone from the world. I am empty of it, like so many of my kind.”

 

“I think you’re a God worth believing in, Thor.” I smiled gently. “I was raised Jewish, you know, but it was never really for me. It’s not as restrictive as Christianity but I wanted something open, something free. I don’t want to have to go to a man made building to speak to my God with a person who believed themself to be more holy and above me. I could never believe in just one. Every time I learned of a new one in history class my heart and soul opened to them. I wanted the world to be my temple. Nature is my church and every god and goddess is my own. From a young age I disliked humanity. I disliked myself. I wanted to be something worthy, someone the gods would be proud of being followed by.”

 

His face softened and his mind traveled to Loki, he could understand why he was infatuated with this mortal. “You already are,” he reassured me.

 

I shook my head. No, I’m really not. But I didn’t want to argue with Thor, he was like every mother in the world wrapped into one with his endless compliments and reassurance, his unconditional love for his family.

 

“My plants got sad when you went to Asgard,” I told him, trying to stray away from our previous discussion. “I think they miss you. I know you talk to them.” Taking Wanda’s advice to heart, I continued to decorate my bare room and what better to fill it with than plants? Loki likes them. He smiled every time I invited him in when he was in search for new books. We’d sit in comfortable silence, neither of us talking about the kiss.

 

“I do. You are the first human here to remember that I’m also the God of fertility. The plants speak to me for fertility is part of all life.” “Well go tell them you’re back, they’re all droopy and it’s making me depressed,” I ordered him. He let out a hearty laugh and swung me onto his back, heading towards my room.

 

•••present•••

 

“Tony...were you aware of y/n’s history of self harm?” Bruce asked Tony as gently as possible. Tony’s face fell and sadness shone in his warm brown eyes.

 

“No. No, I wasn’t aware,” Tony whispered. Bruce sighed, he seemed to be doing a lot of sighing these days. He didn’t know what to think of y/n when she first came to the tower. She was a flirt, which he quickly saw as a defense mechanism to avoid confrontation and emotional attatchment. After reading her files he was stunned by the amount of abuse she went through at such a young age.

 

He knew that foster care is never a walk in the park but to be almost beaten to death with a crowbar by the one that is suppose to protect you - that can really mess up a person. The stripping was another thing entirely. Bruce remembered perfectly, the way Tony’s jaw twitched and his fists clenched when they read about y/n’s passed job. Having to strip at such a young age because you couldn’t afford to eat and didn’t have anyone to look after you? That would also lead someone to use selfharm as a coping mechanism. Being recruited by an underground assassin ring in Chicago? Even worse. They used her, she was an easy target. A broken teenage girl with no family, no money, and no will to live - he didn’t blame her.

 

“Tony there were gaps in her police file. Even police don’t have the authority to behavioral hospital documents if confidentiality forms were signed. The hospital can’t break HIPPA. Those blank spaces...they were probably times at a behavioral hospital.”

 

Tony’s hand were covering his face, his elbows resting on his knees. It made sense. It really, really, really did. He wasn’t dumb, he knew y/n has been through things far worse than any normal human should. Friday alerts him almost every night of his y/n waking up yelling or with a pulse so high Friday wasn’t sure if she was having a stroke.

 

He watched the camera in her room, a thing that was ONLY activated when a person was in danger or distress. He felt like an icy cold hand was wrapped around his heart, squeezing it. He shouldn’t have sent her away, god he regretted it so much.

 

Learning you had a secret daughter was one thing but a daughter that was a murderer? That was another. She already had her GED and I doubted that she would work a normal job but I didn’t bother asking her, as her legal guardian I shipped her off to one reform school after another, any place across the sea that would talk her.

 

I didn’t call her enough, fearing that she already hated me for sending her away in the first place.

 

•••the night before the explosion•••

 

“You remind me of someone I once knew, you know,” I told Bucky one evening. We were doing our nightly training so I wouldn’t ‘disturb` his slumber again. “Oh yea?” He asked as I repetitively jab-crossed the punching pad he held in front of his chest. “Yea. I worked with him when I was still an assassin.” “Oh great, I love being compared to another assassin,” Bucky growled. “Hey let me finish explaining before you get all offended at me.”

 

“He was...quiet like you. Liked to stick to the shadows and observe people before confronting them, you know? He was broody to - like you. But he was nice. He yelled at me when I didn’t sleep, just like you. And he was good at kicking my ass - at least when I first started training.”

 

“What happened to him?” Bucky asked, now lowering the punching pad away. I grew sad thinking about Charlie. He was a good friend, a loyal one. “He died. Just like everyone else who meets me.”

 

•••present•••

 

“This feels kind of invasive Tony,” Bruce told his friend. Tony ignored him and continued to search y/n’s room for clues. The scars on her wrists were old and were starting to fade, but Tony wasn’t convinced. “There needs to be something, something that explains what y/n is going through,” he mumbled. “Did you try her sketchbook?” A voice said from behind the science bros. “Rogers what are you doing here?” Tony asked confused. “Check her sketchbook. It’s invasive and wrong but if we want to help y/n we have to understand what she is going through first,” Steve explained. “That’s not a bad idea Rogers,” Tony nodded.

 

•••the day y/n and Tony met•••

 

Cigarettes after murder was a ritual for me now. Every time I killed a person it was another cigarette between my teeth. It was like one of those John Green metaphors except instead of putting the thing that could kill you between your teeth and not giving it the power to kill, I gave it the power to do so. Every time I took a life I did something that could possibly take mine. lately I’ve beginning to think that I was the grim reaper children dressed up as on Halloween for everywhere I went death followed.

 

The folder my handler slipped under my broken door had the necessary amount of information I needed to terminate my target. My target being John Casey, an Oscorp operative that had hydra ties. I’d like to believe that my assassin ring was good, that our work was needed - necessary. But killing bad people is still killing. They still have families and likes and dislikes and I’m the one behind the trigger that takes away their future, all their chances and opportunities to learn from their mistakes.

 

The thing about underground assassin rings is that their is a structure much to everyone’s surprise. It’s anarchy at its finest - organized chaos.

 

Their were two levels, the people that find the targets and the second, the ones that take out the targets. We could be anyone; your neighbor, your brother, your classmate - and you would never know what I’m truly doing on my phone in the subway. I could be researching my next target or ordering a crockpot off of amazon, you’ll never know.

 

My eyes wandered across the faded words on the water damaged page, my brain barley processing the words. To kill a mockingbird was a boring story but every few months after I made my way through the books I’d buy from goodwill, a box at a time, I would find myself reaching for it. It gave me some sort of comfort like a child’s safety blanket.

 

Maybe it reminded me of freshmen year when we were forced to read it in accelerated English class and it wasn’t as terrible as I thought it would be.

 

I try to remember who I was but my mind kept going to a list of basic traits like hair and eye color, not the important shit. Who was I? Even before I lost my family I was trouble - I was a depressed pagan burnout with a nicotine addiction who was failing algebra class for the second time. Now? Now I’m a former stripper, ex drug dealer, frequent bar visitor, illegal fight ring fighter, assassin heroin addict? I’m not sure if this was an upgrade or a downgrade.

 

•••present•••

 

“I still don’t like this and if y/n finds out and I’m telling her it was all you guys buddy,” Bruce frantically waved his hands. The man was the human embodiment of anxiety.

 

“Whatever she’s not gonna find out Brucey so quit your worrying!” Tony snorted. Steve, Tony, and an uncomfortable Bruce sat in a circle on

y/n’s bedroom floor around a close black sketchbook they found in her mahogany nightstand. “Okay let’s do it,” Tony sighed.

 

A few floors below in a hospital bed, green eyes blinked open and y/n’s injured figure shot up in distress and confusion.


	15. Chapter 15

•••Loki’s pov•••

 

“Oh dear,” I thought as I heard an explosion ring throughout the base. I wasn’t really suppose to be on the mission but I decided to grace the team with my presence by tagging along anyways. 

 

I followed a trail of rubble to find the source of the explosion but something at the end of a dimly lit hallway caught my eye. I saw a hint of green, a shade similar to my Asgardian crest. A wave of panic flew through me, fearing for the worst...fearing that a certain fiery midguardian lady that I’ve grown carelessly too found of could have left this world for the halls of Valhalla much to early. 

 

••• 

 

All I saw was red. My hands, my legs, the walls, the ceilings. They were all red. “What the fuck,” I thought as my weak legs fell back against the bed. I was obviously in the medbay but I couldn’t remember why. I felt something warm dripping down my arm and was greeted with the sight of a bleeding wound from where my iv was ripped out when I shot out of bed.

 

The walls kept changing different shades of red and it was making me nervous. Was I going through withdrawals again? I couldn’t remember that last time I used, I’ve been clean since the first week in the tower so I couldn’t be hallucinating. I tried to get out of bed again but my legs decided to not work and I fell to the floor. A screeching beeping noise filled the room and I covered my ears wincing. Before I could understand what was going on a group of doctors and nurses came barreling through the door. 

 

•••

 

“I don’t understand,” Bucky said for the hundredth time. Sighing Nat spoke up, “Bucky we’ve been over this, y/n is going to be okay. There wasn’t any internal damage.” 

 

Bucky frowned. “But you didn’t see how big the explosion was. I was already two hallways away from the bomb and the impact still sent me hurling to the floor. Y/n was only a few steps away from when the bomb went off...it should have killed her.” 

 

Wanda, who sat in the medbay hallway silently, spoke up. “It’s true. When they brought her back to the tower...something was off. Her emotions where almost like they weren’t her own. She was unconscious so she shouldn’t have been feeling anything but all I sensed was complete panic and anger. It was strange.”

 

“You were probably just picking up on all of our emotions Wanda,” Nat assured her calmly. Wanda nodded her head but still held a look of confusion and worry in her warm eyes. Nat was about to reassure Bucky but the sudden blaring of an alarm made them jump to alert as they watched the medbay team staff run towards y/n’s room.

 

•••

 

“Get her on the bed!” The leading doctor yelled at his staff. “Start the AED!” His assistant snapped at the frantic nurses. “I’m fine! I’m fine!” I yelled as they hoisted my limp body off the ground. The doctors eyes went wide, realizing that I hadn’t gone into cardiac arrest and had just fallen out of bed instead. 

 

Sighing in relief the nurses laid me back into bed. “You gave us quite the scare, Miss Stark,” the doctor told me.

 

“My bad, I’ll make sure to give you a weeks notice beforehand when I decide to die,” I snarked back. I fucking hated doctors - they think they know it all. The doctor grimaced at my attitude and left the room along with the rest of his team of slave-nurses, I mean.

 

I sighed, resting my head against the stark white pillow. I watched the ceiling change a different shade of red. 

 

•••back to our boi Loki•••

 

Panic raced through my veins as I knelt in front of the younger Stark. Her pale face almost looked peaceful if it wasn’t for the streams of blood running down her cheek. Something inside of me twisted in pain and I let out a soft groan that hid deeper levels of agony.

 

This was the women that haunted my dreams every night. The women I stood in the rain with who asked me if she heard her prayers. The women who lit a candle on her altar every night in honor of me, who begged for my endless stories of my travels through space. The one who knew that I took over earth for a reason, who didn’t classify me as a villain although her family had. She lended me books and cooked me Pad Thai. The women suffered through the original Star Trek with me so I could understand Tony’s stupid references for the Gods sake.

 

My hand delicately traces the fresh scar on her cheek. I didn’t hear a heart beat. “Allfather hear me now, I haven’t asked anything of you since I was a boy and I know you are nothing more than disappointed in me but please, help me now. Help my save this mortal women,” He pleaded. It wasn’t her time yet. She spent too much of her life suffering to leave once it started getting good. When she just met him. Loki cradled her broken body in his arms and wept. 

 

“Norns. Whoever is out there, the old Gods that blessed the Asgardians with their powers, the ones that hung the stars in the sky. Please, please bring her back to me.”

 

And the Gods heard. They heard the God of mischief weep and the sky wept with shooting stars. But he couldn’t see them. All he heard was the faintest of breathes murmur, “Loki.”


	16. Chapter 16

Thor liked to think of himself as a respectable god, much to the disagreement of his sliver tongued younger brother. He is part of the Aesir, once one of the most prayed to and believed in, the elite of gods. The midgardians prayed for his protection as well as his blessing. He was often called upon for birth for Thor is a fertility god too, not that anyone on his team would recognize him as anything other than a war god if they ever truly even saw him as a god. 

 

It was once Thor’s sacred duty to soar through the sky in his holy chariot pulled by Tanngrisnir and Tanngnjóstr, wielding Mjolnir, summoning storms to water his faithful followers fields and planting his mighty oak trees. 

 

Now he is viewed as an alien who helps a group of gifted mortals on their conquest to protect Midgard. Thor was always seen as a protector so this wasn’t much different, at least he tried to convince himself but he knew that it was only because of his dangerous weapon that summons lightning, something a few of the midgardian mutants could even do. He wasn’t respected because he was a god or royalty but because he could punch hard and had a fine warriors body. 

 

There was a time when altars were carved for him out of the oak trees he planted and the Vikings held great festivals in magnate’s halls and made offerings of weapons, jewellery and tools in lakes. Humans and animals were hung from trees in holy groves and from where the Aesir sat in their designated halls of Asgard the sweet hum of faith and sacrifice filled their stomachs and hearts. 

 

Thor was born much to late to witness the golden years as the wise sages of the Asgardian royal court would often mumble about. He only experienced the last few decades of the faith and devotion the midgardians had to offer. 

 

Lady Stark was the first person in Thors short life (short of course in Asgardian years, to humans he was ancient) to recognize him as a god first, not an alien. She bowed before him and offered her humble service and he could see that her intentions were pure and was shocked by the pure faith and devotion that now flooded through his veins. 

 

The small silver Mjolnir charm that hung from her pale neck didn’t go unnoticed by him as well as Loki. Thor may not be the brightest of the divine but he could recognize how important meeting the younger Stark was and the jealousy in Loki’s eyes when she bowed before Asgard’s future King. But the look in Loki’s eyes was something Thor hadn’t seen since their father showed them Yggdrasil for the first time. They shone with pure astonishment and wondered how the daughter of a man Loki once hated could so blindly believe in him after all he had done to her newly adoptive family.

 

She called them Prince and King, acknowledging their power and class. She even had an altar like the old Norse families did to show her faith and leave offerings of sweet honey cakes and bowls of fruit in their names.She even left pieces of nature itself for him. Thor, having a deep respect for all life, took a liking to the many plants that hung from the walls of her room and graciously excepted her offerings and was humbled by her actions. 

 

No matter how much Thor valued his and Lady Starks friendship, devotion, and their shared love for strawberry pop tarts, he feared the fact the she is capable of being Loki’s undoing. As a boy, Frigga often reminded Thor that Loki wears his heart on his sleeve so be mindful of the tortures the Warrior Three would inflict on him and look out for his brother. Thor, both fearing but respecting his mother agreed, not understanding what she meant at the time.

 

It wasn’t until Loki’s first and last love Sigyn, a childhood friend of both Loki and Thor, married his younger brother underneath an ash tree that he realized Loki felt things more deeply than others. His love for Sigyn turned into obsession and was the driving factor to her disappearance. She was later found in Álfheimr with a different husband, her once golden hair turned red and her devotion to Loki now turned towards a similar looking Fae. Loki was quite young at the time and their marriage was a secret but it didn’t stop Frigga, who was a seer, from meeting Loki at the edge of the rainbow bridge where he laid on his knees weeping for days. 

 

Thor, however, wanted nothing more than his brother to be happy so he decided to stay out of their way. He thought this to be for the best but when Lady Y/N’s broken body came wheeled in on a stretcher Thor started to realize that it definitely wasn’t a good plan. As the medical staff quickly wheeled Y/N pass Thor he felt Loki’s magic and something much older, much more forbidden running through her veins. 

 

Thor’s eyes turned dark and lightning flashed in them against his will. This was the work of not only his brother but of the Norns, the Triple Goddess, the ones who sit underneath a sacred tree and weave the gods destinies. The mother, maiden, and crone. Very fate itself was coursing through her body...but the source was coming from a very rare mark, _**Trō-lekaer**_ , the mark of the faithful. And it was in Loki’s color, green. This was very bad indeed. 


End file.
